There's a girl named Samantha - we'll call her Sam. She grew up with a disfunctional family, like most of us. Her father played the part of an upstanding American citizen. He went to work, paid his taxes, provided for his family, even went to church on Sundays. He would watch the evening news and say how horrible these people were who were abusing children, killing eachother, and stealing cars.
All along, he was abusing two of his own children. The lengths he would go to torture his two young girls is unspeakable - unthinkable. He wasn't just some ordinary drunk who would get angry because someone left a cabinet door open and beat them for it. Oh no, he was much worse than that. His sick and twisted mind thought that he was somehow different than the other child molestors. It was different because he'd been molested when he was a child - so it makes it ok for him to do the same.
In spite of her childhood, just a few years ago, Sam also appeared to be a well adjusted American citizen. She had a wonderful marriage to a man named Jack, she worked hard every day. All her friends thought she was so strong and wise. She knew how to have a good time, laugh, and really mean it. Until one dreadful day. A day that changed the lives of everyone close to her.
Early in their relationship Jack had agreed not to look at pictures sexual in nature - he even agreed not to watch movies that had sexual behavior. He knew that she had been mistreated when she was young - just not to what extent.
This particular day had been like any other. She went to work, helped her customers, and went home for her lunch break. Sam found her husband Jack at the computer, looking at pictures she did not approve of. (I want to stress that he wasn't doing anything illegal.) She was shocked and broken with betrayal and disappointment.
Day and night she obsessed over how he'd hurt her. How he'd lied and hid what he was doing. Sam screamed outside, in the middle of the night, "My husband looks at porn!" while running aroung naked. She no longer appeared to have anything under control. Fits of rage began to take over their lives. Days upon days of no sleep turned into sleeping for days at a time. Sam drank to feel better, or numb, only to end up feeling angrier. She didn't eat, she couldn't stop crying. Sam quit her job and sat at home in the dark - alone. She even took a rope to the shed and hung it from the rafters. Sitting in the shed, nearby she could hear the laughter of neighborhood children. She left the shed and called Jack at work.
Since then, they sold their first house, bought another home in the mountains. Tried to leave behind all the bad feelings and memories. Of course, you can't run away from terrors that haunt your mind. When hiding in their lake house proved to be a futile attempt at escape, Sam left Jack and moved in with another man.
Today, well, today is nearly as bad as the day this began not three years ago. Jack has tried his hardest to work things out with his wife - he even thought they might reconcile just a short time ago. Things are past the point of no return for them. They will be divorced soon. He met another woman. In an attempt to do right by Sam, he was sure to be honest with her about this new person. Sam isn't taking it well. After she called Jack and threatened to end her own life, he called the police. They were the only ones who would be able to get to her the fast enough. The police told us they were taking her to the hospital to be assessed by the Psych ward. I only hope that she's honest with them. She's become so good at lying that she could easily talk her way out of being there. Its truly sad, what she needs most is professional help, and that's the one thing she refuses to get.
If you know someone who talks about suicide, please take it seriously. They're talking about it because they're reaching out. If they didn't want to be helped, they wouldn't be talking.
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