The Big 5-0

So, my dad just turned 50. My step mom decided to throw him a surprise birthday party for him this last Sunday. To assist in getting him out of the house for her I took him out for brunch at Popeye's Chicken. We had a wonderful time talking as we always do. My dad is usually more lively than he was that morning so I asked him how he felt about turning fifty. He said he's honestly not happy about it. Now, most people seem to freak out on "big" birthdays like 30, 40, and 50, but I hadn't known my dad to be that type of person. He began to explain why.
As long as I can remember, he's had all kinds of in depth thoughts or philosophies about this or that. And, though I don't view myself as shallow or a small thinker, I'm always impressed by how deep he delves into a subject. It could be something as simple as why you should or should not use x brand deodorant to as complex as any number of subjects involving religion.

He began to tell me of when he was a teenager in the 70's and there was an author who was well regarded in the Christian community and considered the authority on the book of Revelations. The author, whose name I've already forgotten, in essence, claimed that the world was going to end sometime between 1981 and 1988. This next part surprised me a little. Having had several conversations with my dad considering theology, I've learned that he doesn't take matters - especially of the spiritual nature - at face value. He's always seemed to me to have done his research quite thoroughly, so I can only assume that this author had magnificant biblical evidence to support his theories. When Dad told me that he hadn't planned to live past the age of 34, I gave a little nervous chuckle because I had no idea what he meant. He went on to explain that he truly believed that - being a Christian - he wouldn't be on the planet past 1988 so he'd based his life on that assumption. He hasn't put away money for retirement, he didn't take the time to invest money into stocks or real estate. I could see the pain and disappointment in my dad's eyes. He was so sad. It was as if he didn't believe in himself or his ideas anymore. I hated to see him that way. He advised me not to make the same mistakes he's made in his life.
I think he feels like he hasn't done anything with his life, but he's wrong. He's made such a huge impact on everyone he knows. Even my mother, though I doubt she would admit that she gained anything good from him besides me and my brother. She'd be wrong.

Just because someone doesn't have a lot of money, or a financially thriving business, a big house, fancy car, or high tech electronics, doesn't mean they haven't done anything with their life. I know my dad knows this. Maybe his worst fear is that he'll never be able to retire.