The Big 5-0

So, my dad just turned 50. My step mom decided to throw him a surprise birthday party for him this last Sunday. To assist in getting him out of the house for her I took him out for brunch at Popeye's Chicken. We had a wonderful time talking as we always do. My dad is usually more lively than he was that morning so I asked him how he felt about turning fifty. He said he's honestly not happy about it. Now, most people seem to freak out on "big" birthdays like 30, 40, and 50, but I hadn't known my dad to be that type of person. He began to explain why.
As long as I can remember, he's had all kinds of in depth thoughts or philosophies about this or that. And, though I don't view myself as shallow or a small thinker, I'm always impressed by how deep he delves into a subject. It could be something as simple as why you should or should not use x brand deodorant to as complex as any number of subjects involving religion.

He began to tell me of when he was a teenager in the 70's and there was an author who was well regarded in the Christian community and considered the authority on the book of Revelations. The author, whose name I've already forgotten, in essence, claimed that the world was going to end sometime between 1981 and 1988. This next part surprised me a little. Having had several conversations with my dad considering theology, I've learned that he doesn't take matters - especially of the spiritual nature - at face value. He's always seemed to me to have done his research quite thoroughly, so I can only assume that this author had magnificant biblical evidence to support his theories. When Dad told me that he hadn't planned to live past the age of 34, I gave a little nervous chuckle because I had no idea what he meant. He went on to explain that he truly believed that - being a Christian - he wouldn't be on the planet past 1988 so he'd based his life on that assumption. He hasn't put away money for retirement, he didn't take the time to invest money into stocks or real estate. I could see the pain and disappointment in my dad's eyes. He was so sad. It was as if he didn't believe in himself or his ideas anymore. I hated to see him that way. He advised me not to make the same mistakes he's made in his life.
I think he feels like he hasn't done anything with his life, but he's wrong. He's made such a huge impact on everyone he knows. Even my mother, though I doubt she would admit that she gained anything good from him besides me and my brother. She'd be wrong.

Just because someone doesn't have a lot of money, or a financially thriving business, a big house, fancy car, or high tech electronics, doesn't mean they haven't done anything with their life. I know my dad knows this. Maybe his worst fear is that he'll never be able to retire.

The Beatles

The Beatles were truely a great band. Their versitily in their music is magnificent. Take The White Album for instance. You have rocking songs like Birthday, then you have such sweet love songs as Julia, then a lullaby at the end. Not to mention the crazy songs like Revolution (not even sure if that one can be classified as a song) and Wild Honey Pie. Their sound is so unique because they could do whatever they tried - and do it well. I also want to mention that Rocky Racoon kicks ass!

Too many bands sound the same from song to song - its tiring and sometimes numbing. Its good to have your own style, but if you can't tell whether the track has changed, how is that creative? I find it impossible to listen to the constant droning for an hour. We need more bands who step outside their comfort zone. Whether is sounds good or not the first time you hear it - at least they're expanding their horizons, and maybe yours...

Office Politics

So, I've only spent a short time of my working life in an office environment. Most of it has been recently and I just don't get office politics. I can't seem to grasp the concepts that are being thrown at me. There are people that I've worked with in this environment who do nothing but plot and scheme to accomplish whatever goal they seek to acheive. Be it to move up in the company, to get revenge because someone pissed them off, or whatever. I don't get it!!! Why should anyone have a master plan that involves spiting or hurting someone else in any way just to make their own situation better?

I thought that we were paid to do our jobs, do them well, be dedicated employees, and overall - contribute to the company as a whole. Does this thinking make me naive? Do I have to start thinking that I have to step on people, take their ideas as my own, and talk about them behind their back - not even to get ahead, just to do my job every day?

What happened to employee/employer mutual loyalty in the corporate world? What happened to being recognized for doing your job, doing it well, and efficiently? What happened to honesty as being part of personal work ethic?

I'll tell you what happened... people are greedy and selfish. All they think about is the bottom line. How does it look today? How much more money can I put in my pocket by raping my employees of their compensation and benefits? Business men today don't understand that if you take care of your people, they'll take care of you. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

I had an HR manager once who didn't understand this concept. They thought that each and every employee was expendable. No one mattered to the company - they were just bodies. When one leaves, let's bring in the next. There was no extra thought given to wanting to keep someone who'd worked for the company for 20 years and is now leaving. It doesn't matter if they know everything about everything in their field. They can be replaced. With that thinking, why don't we just employ a computer to do everyone's job? Just program the computer to know everything and we're golden, right? People don't matter. I have a warning for that HR manager - if everyone else is replaceable, so are you!

I don't know about you, but I'm sick of feeling like I have to prove myself to someone who doesn't and never will care about how greatly I contribute to my job.

Katie Bug

My little kitty Katie Bug
I want to give you a hug
But then you'll scream and shout
Which makes me want to pout
Oh, my pretty kitty Katie Bug

A Sad Story - parental discresion is advised

There's a girl named Samantha - we'll call her Sam. She grew up with a disfunctional family, like most of us. Her father played the part of an upstanding American citizen. He went to work, paid his taxes, provided for his family, even went to church on Sundays. He would watch the evening news and say how horrible these people were who were abusing children, killing eachother, and stealing cars.

All along, he was abusing two of his own children. The lengths he would go to torture his two young girls is unspeakable - unthinkable. He wasn't just some ordinary drunk who would get angry because someone left a cabinet door open and beat them for it. Oh no, he was much worse than that. His sick and twisted mind thought that he was somehow different than the other child molestors. It was different because he'd been molested when he was a child - so it makes it ok for him to do the same.

In spite of her childhood, just a few years ago, Sam also appeared to be a well adjusted American citizen. She had a wonderful marriage to a man named Jack, she worked hard every day. All her friends thought she was so strong and wise. She knew how to have a good time, laugh, and really mean it. Until one dreadful day. A day that changed the lives of everyone close to her.

Early in their relationship Jack had agreed not to look at pictures sexual in nature - he even agreed not to watch movies that had sexual behavior. He knew that she had been mistreated when she was young - just not to what extent.

This particular day had been like any other. She went to work, helped her customers, and went home for her lunch break. Sam found her husband Jack at the computer, looking at pictures she did not approve of. (I want to stress that he wasn't doing anything illegal.) She was shocked and broken with betrayal and disappointment.

Day and night she obsessed over how he'd hurt her. How he'd lied and hid what he was doing. Sam screamed outside, in the middle of the night, "My husband looks at porn!" while running aroung naked. She no longer appeared to have anything under control. Fits of rage began to take over their lives. Days upon days of no sleep turned into sleeping for days at a time. Sam drank to feel better, or numb, only to end up feeling angrier. She didn't eat, she couldn't stop crying. Sam quit her job and sat at home in the dark - alone. She even took a rope to the shed and hung it from the rafters. Sitting in the shed, nearby she could hear the laughter of neighborhood children. She left the shed and called Jack at work.

Since then, they sold their first house, bought another home in the mountains. Tried to leave behind all the bad feelings and memories. Of course, you can't run away from terrors that haunt your mind. When hiding in their lake house proved to be a futile attempt at escape, Sam left Jack and moved in with another man.

Today, well, today is nearly as bad as the day this began not three years ago. Jack has tried his hardest to work things out with his wife - he even thought they might reconcile just a short time ago. Things are past the point of no return for them. They will be divorced soon. He met another woman. In an attempt to do right by Sam, he was sure to be honest with her about this new person. Sam isn't taking it well. After she called Jack and threatened to end her own life, he called the police. They were the only ones who would be able to get to her the fast enough. The police told us they were taking her to the hospital to be assessed by the Psych ward. I only hope that she's honest with them. She's become so good at lying that she could easily talk her way out of being there. Its truly sad, what she needs most is professional help, and that's the one thing she refuses to get.

If you know someone who talks about suicide, please take it seriously. They're talking about it because they're reaching out. If they didn't want to be helped, they wouldn't be talking.