I'd like to talk about grief and mourning...

Grief is a funny thing. One minute a person can be crying, the next angry as hell at anyone around them, even those they love dearly. That has been my emotional state this last week and a half, since the passing of my grandmother. It is very difficult to keep into perspective the importance or unimportance of certain details. I find it also difficult to be less angry with those who I feel have been inappropriate during this time. I try to remind myself daily that just because someone doesn't show it, doesn't mean they don't feel pain at the loss of a loved one. Grief seems to make even the most caring and unselfish of people focus almost solely on themselves.

Despite the negatives that I've experienced through all this, there are some positive things that have come out of it. I've learned where I stand with my family who I've been apart from most of my life, simply because we live on opposite sides of the country. Our family was able to come together to comfort and lift one another up. For once in my life, I no longer feel like an outsider in my own family.

Unfortunately, I also have a new outlook on where I stand in my father's eyes. It saddens me that I can feel so close to my family thousands of miles away, yet suddenly feel the distance grow between myself and a father who lives 50 miles away. Ten years of building a relationship with him has been beat up by this experience, and I fear it will take too long to heal these wounds. I will continue to pray for patience, peace and understanding, as it will be necessary to get me through.