Coming Home

Being here is like
coming home

The old memories
of days long past

Making new memories
with every moment

Falling in love
with innocent hearts

Hoping to reach
a few who are hurt

Finding a renewed flame
somewhere in mine

Realizing its almost over
when it feels like its just begun

Wanting to stay close
with new friends

But knowing that the hill
makes a world of difference

Making a Difference

Recently I was fortunate enough to be able to go back to the summer camp I went to every year as a kid, only this time, I was a camp counselor. I found the experience to be sereal, because it has been soooooo many years since I've been up there, and because this time, I wasn't a camper. However different it may have been for me, it was still a very rewarding experience, in fact, maybe moreso than when I was a kid. I have to say, I fell in love with all those kids - even the ones who were "difficult." Other counselers found it overwhelming to interact with some of them, well, mainly two or three of the boys, and I feel like they simply gave up on them. It broke my heart to see that the innocence of these children had been taken away from them, and now we were given an opportunity to help them to just be kids! even in the face of that, some of the adults were unable to set aside their personal feelings, and just show these boys some genuine affection. Kids don't act out because they just feel like being brats! They act out because they're searching for attention, right?

Well, I guess all that matters is I felt like I made a difference for at least a couple of these kids. Hopefully it will stay with them and help them to realize that there's more in life than just what you have to deal with at home. Hopefully they will be able to keep their spirits up in times of struggle. You never know, maybe their renewed attitude will help things between them and the "parental units."

9th Anniversary

So, my fiance and I have officially been together for 9 years! WOW!!! In some respects, it feels like there's no way that much time has gone by. In other respects, it feels like 9 years is exactly as long as its been. And I don't mean it in a bad way - I mean it in the nicest way possible. We've both grown so much in that time. I can't imagine my life without him. I know it sounds cliche, but its true.

Funny Farm

"They're coming to take me away, ha ha, they're coming to take me away! To the funny farm!"

College

Its been over eight years since I graduated from high school. Since then, I've worked - a lot - and had sworn to myself that I was only going to take a year or two off from school. Well, a year or two turned into eight. But now, I've decided to finally take that leap. I started college this fall. I haven't felt this excited and scared since the day before my first day of high school (except maybe when I moved to Cali for a short time a couple years ago).

I'm loving being in school. I signed up for two classes, Psychology and Drawing. Being an artist, naturally I thought that I would enjoy Drawing more than Psychology - I was affraid I wasn't ready for a class like Psych. Ironically, I've found that I enjoy Psych more than Drawing! My Drawing instructer has done nothing but rub me the wrong way since the first day. She'll draw right on your project to show you how she thinks it should look instead of using a separate sheet of paper, and she's wishy washy - constantly changing her mind. In the world of art you come to expect eccentricity, but she's down right obnoxious. I come home from her class feeling drained instead of excited about my projects. The atmosphere is very repressive. She won't even allow us to really talk to each other. The best class period we had was with the substitute. We were all talking, laughing, joking around with eachother! I came home from class actually smiling and telling my fiance how wonderful class was!

When I began school, I thought I knew what I wanted to be when I "grew up". Now, I'm considering going in a completely different direction! It's amazing how quickly even a firmly placed decision can be changed, just by one or two small experiences.

autumn

autumn wind
bringing winter's inevitable fury
arboral wrath
enraged dancing
red, orange, yellow, brown
complaining of the approaching
funnels of dead twirl
changes on the horizon
delight
fear
pumpkins crafted
glowing eyes and smirks
stories of spirits lingering
sweets, pie, turkey
closely stalking

serenity

GOD, grant me the SERENITY
To ACCEPT the things I CANNOT change
The COURAGE to change the things that I CAN
And the WISDOM to know the DIFFERENCE!

I don't know how many things I've needlessly stressed about in my life. Most of which, I could not change, and had one hell of a time accepting that. I'm constantly reminded how important it is to be able to realize what is within your power and what is not. It usually doesn't occur to me right away, but I get there sooner or later. The only thing I can absolutely change is my behavior, my thinking, my philosophies, and over all, my attitude. Everything else isn't really up to me. I can express my opinions to others, listen to other's opinions, but who am I to think that I can change anyone else?

I've been very selfish lately. I've been complaining about something that really isn't about me. Yes, it affects me, but can I change it? Nope. I guess I'll just have to be the bigger person and lead by example, change my behavior. The rest is up to them.